What do people remember when they think about you? When we think about memories, we tend to think about the sights, sounds, and smells related to that event. However, there is an important factor in play when someone remembers you. What is their internal state during your interaction? In other words, how do you make them feel? We’ve all experienced people in our lives who make us feel good when they come to mind, and people who don’t. Based on this information, we decide whether we like someone or not. Just like you make those decisions about others, others make those decisions about you.
According to Daniel Kahneman. in his book “Thinking Fast and Slow” he explains that there are two distinct types of thinking, Type 1 is fast, intuitive, unconscious thought. Type 2 is slow and requires conscious effort but is much more resistant to flawed conclusions. Unfortunately, as humans, we tend to use Type 1 thinking in almost all of our interactions. That’s why we fall for “One for $3 or Three for $10”. Our brains rely on something called availability heuristics, which means that we make judgments based on what we can remember quickly, rather than complete data. This because at one point in our evolution it was more important to make a quick decision than a correct one. Today having a successful life depends more on making correct decisions than fast ones, but our brains are what they are.
Because of availability heuristics, Mood Memory becomes important. When someone has attached a certain mood to their memory of you it can be hard to shake. The good news is that there is something you can do about it.
1. Always be positive — I’m not advocating always wearing rose colored glasses, but try to be a glass half full kind of person. It’s ok to accurately state facts, but add a positive spin to them. There’s an old saying, “It always works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end”. People generally prefer optimists over realists or pessimists.
2. Be happy yourself — Before you can make someone feel happy about you, you have to feel happy with yourself. If you are generally down on yourself. You have to find a way to elevate your own mood (legally). It’s true that smiles are contagious. Our brains have something called mirror neurons which actually absorb the mood from others around us. So, if your facial expressions, tone or conversation reflects negative energy you will pass that on to others unintentionally bringing down the mood of others around you.
3. Don’t be afraid to touch appropriately — I know this is controversial in this current climate, so be careful, but humans are social creatures. Touching someone’s shoulder or elbow actually releases a chemical called oxytocin in both your brain and the person that you’ve touched. This chemical will help you feel more generous, empathetic, and more collaborative. More importantly, however, this chemical actually encourages the person you have touched to like and trust you more.
As you can see there are some definite advantages to understanding mood memory and how it can affect the way you are thought of and ultimately how you connect with people on a subconscious level.
For more info on this topic grab my Free PDF 35 Ways To Be Know Liked And Trusted By Your Ideal Client.